Celebrity Surgery

Today, we will focus on another marvelous result of surgery undergone by celebrity - beautiful nose of legendary Ms Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Behold majestic beauty of finely sculpted proboscis. Perceive how nose has been elegantly whittled down to fine pointy stump - the work of a true craftsman. Just like Dam.

This is kind of result what one is to expect from surgery with Dam; with exception of added dents and crookedness (to make result of nose job more "natural"). Every surgery should aim for tiny, upturned nose that projects image of having capacity to slice open envelope with tip. Beware - do not go to other surgeon who do not have fine aesthetic eye of Dam with which to make wondrous result such as this. They will leave you with large, wide, unaesthetic nose that bears no trace of having undergone dissection by surgeon. But Dam will ensure that with surgery he will aim for aesthetic, refined result such as this.

Always ensure to go to surgeon what can give you marvelous result like as to celebrity pictured!

RateMDs

It appears that the great unwashed of the aggressive ungrateful patients whom I have aesthetically disfigured have taken to post negative reviews about me on RateMDs. Well! Should the opinions of those who do not possess great wisdom and discerning eye of masterful surgeon be allowed to spread vicious untruths about wonderful result of surgery with Dam? One cannot truthfully answer no.

So in between browsing for his favorite ladyboy porn, Dam has made sure to flag transgressing reviews for deletion by moderators. Just because Dam has removed enormous amount of cartilage leaving nose collapsed and unnatural and lied to medical board to protect wondrous practice of Australian Cosmetic Aesthetic Surgery Centre, it is not cause for these vexatious opinions of unintelligent ungrateful patient to be allowed to be posted on internet! Is only expedient for godlike genius of Dam to having writings on internets.

Australian Cosmetic Aesthetic Surgery Centre: Dr. Barrell Dam

A Unique Opportunity - to destroy your body, your life and your self esteem!


At the Australian Cosmetic Aesthetic Surgery Centre we are committed to a holistic approach to cosmetic surgery - this means if you come to us with one ugly feature, we will disfigure it so that all your features will look ugly. Here, a client's decision to undergo surgery is considered in the context of their lifestyle (ie. how much money we can extract from them, the means they have to seek justice through litigation after we have destroyed their life), medical history, needs, what they hope to achieve through cosmetic surgery (an attractive unnatural look), and their expectation of the outcome. Not only is it necessary for them to be in appropriate physical condition, it is also important that they have a realistic expectation of the outcomes of surgery - ie. not expect their surgically modified feature to look better, but rather, worse - and how it will benefit them if they want to join a circus freakshow.

Come and see us at 666 The Alleyway, Windsor.


-Barrell Dam's staff

Anatomy Of Nose

Today I will attempt to explain using simple language that the unintelligent masses can understand of the basics of that which we do to parts of nose to make more aesthetic.

Nasal bones - these compose the top third of the nose, and will usually need to be significantly hacked away during surgery to sculpt lovely "scoop" in profile. In addition, they should always be broken - whether patient ask for this of not - and pushed together to make bridge of nose as narrow as possible (the thickness of a piece of cardboard as a good ideal to aim for). Always make sure one side is pushed in more than another, this creates impression of nose being even thinner and also creates harmonious asymmetry which will look wonderful on patient. Sometimes patient will complain of asymmetry or supposed "open roof deformity" (which is NOT a deformity! is lovely aesthetic feature of beautiful nose), this just means you have not made it narrow enough. Try to coerce patient into getting second surgery with you, then break nasal bones and shift in so nose is even thinner! At this point you should not be getting any further complaints from patient; as they will either become accustomed to their aesthetic new look, or go and commit suicide. Either scenario is fine for surgeon.

Upper Lateral Cartilages - These are them what form the middle section of the nose. Always should have outside edge cut off along with bone and septum to make nose smaller and more aesthetic. During surgery, they should be detached from the nasal bone and be allowed to collapse, thus producing a pleasing narrowness of nose. This may present the patient with some breathing difficulties, but this should not bother them as they should be grateful for beautiful aesthetic of new nose.

Lower lateral cartilages - These comprise lower part of nose and what give shape to the tip. These can often present problem as being bulbous and wide; and having unattractive "normal" level of columellar show. The best way to deal with these is to cut out as much as possible. This allows for slender, sculpted pointy tip and attractive, aesthetic alar retration.




Left we see unattractive "normal" nose. Right, we can see that with almost entire removal of lower lateral cartilage will create aesthetically pleasing alar retration, which will allow another to see up one's nose. Many say that eyes are the window to a person's soul, but I truly believe nostrils are the windows to the soul. With creating alar retraction, we allow people to gave upon a patient's soul by giving other people a look at the interior of their nose.



Septum - this if the middle part of the nose, and all that is really necessary for a beautiful nose (look at LaToya Jackson). Is truly beautiful this to witness nose comprised entirely of septum, unencumbered by unsightly, unaesthetic bone and cartilage.
Generally, should have outside edges resected when trimming entire nose to make smaller and more aesthetic. Sometimes this can be crooked, in this case, we should never attempt to straighten it, but attempt to create an asymmetrical look for entire nose to match.

By following these steps above one will always create aestheticness of beautiful nose! Remember, that what we do will not only change a persons looks, but also change their life!

Key principals of aesthetically pleasing rhinoplasty!

For benefit of those surgeons what I mention before, who have yet not garnered much experience such as I to be expert of rhinoplasty, here are key principals which remain constant no matter the situation!;

1. Always smaller is better. Noone ever request larger nose for surgery; always better to over-resect nose than have complaint from patient that nose too big. Always you must aim for the smallest size nose possible!

2. No-one likes round, bulbous ugly nose. Always you must endeavour for most sculpted, pointed tip. This shows quality of craftmanship of nose, thin nose and sharp tip are indicators of great surgeron!

3. If patient request "conservative" rhinoplasty, then better it is to preserve some inherent traits than aim for perfection! For example, if patient nose is crooked, aim to have nose just as crooked after surgery, or even more crooked, this make sure others will have disbelief at nose being result of "nose job". Or if naturally then hanging columella exist then make sure columella still hang after surgery, to preserve patient unique "look".

4. If irregularities (dent or pinch) appear on surface of nose after surgery, is not the fault of surgeon! Never accept responsibility for poor healing of patient! Whenever collapse or irregularity appear is always fault of patient for inability of body to heal nose properly after surgery. Never it is fault of surgeon; can even happen to expert of surgery! I should know! Happen with me all the time!

5. Never tell patient before surgery of that what is to be done to them. It is no business of patient what you shall do to them during procedure! There is not even any need for surgeon to have prepared that which he will do for surgery before operation, if surgeon have any experience !

Follow this steps and you shall have always glorious practice of making aesthetic nose!

Imaging of proposed beautiful celebrity result!

I would like to advertise practice for plastic surgery. I not getting enough money already for destroying people’s faces so would like even more. To do his I shall advertise results that which one would get of getting rhinoplasty from Barrell Dam. I not permitted to post photographs of my own results as I am currently under litigation from all my ex-patients. But instead I will share with you wonderful digital imaging of fantastic result if celebrity should desire more aesthetic look to get nose carve up by Dam!



It is with amazement that I see how one such as Adriana Lima with ugly, wide natural nose can be regarded as “super model”. While few possess transcendent aesthetic beauty of La Toya Jackson it is true, there is no excuse for one with mediocrity of face such as this to become successful of modelling in life (even if she is possessing of a pair of very succulent breast).
After: Truly beautiful. Now one is no longer distracted by large unsightly nose, and can freely admire supple perky mammaries without fear of perceiving an unaesthetic nose.


Second is Leighton Meester. Also, she is possessing wide, unappealing “natural” nose. She is a “Gossip Girl”, surely they are gossiping about her unattractive unaesthetic nose? But no more! Dam will take care of that!


Ah, Paris Hilton! Already possessive of a nose that is thin, elegant and beaky! They say you cannot improve upon perfection, but Dam can! Let’s make nose more asymmetric, to match Paris eyes! Look at that! Behold perfection! Pretty as a picture!



Christin Bale. Already he has asymmetric, unnaturally thin nose with droopy tip. Aesthetic nose make him handsome devil, just like Dam! But we can make it even better! Nose thin already, but not yet thin enough! There we go! Is imaging not better? What, now to be even better looking than myself; surely now women find him irresistible; with money and power and aesthetic new nose! Magnificence of proboscis!


I will be happy to perform surgery for special discounted rate (just like “special discounted rate” my practice uses to lure everyone else into surgery) for any celebrity possessive of wisdom to want Dam to create stupendous aesthetic nose.

Planning for surgery - is necessary?

One thing what always troubles me is expectation of patient to have plan written down by surgeon of prior to surgery. Why always they expect I not know what I am doing? I have undergone years of training and given people wonderful pleasure of aesthetic nose for years; what reason to doubt capabilities of Dam? Then complain of "botch" to Dam because of notions in head that is necessity to plan surgery.

Only surgeons who give unaesthetic mediocre result will have necessity to use plans for surgery. Because they lack experience of specialist such as myself. These are same surgeons who prefer "natural" look because they not know how to give sculpted aesthetic appearance. Never put yourself in hands of these surgeons! Only look for the best what can give you most beautiful aesthetic appearance that which you desire!

I never plan for surgery because always know what I am doing... even when in operating theatre can open up nose and carve away without second though as knowing what to do from much years of experience. Can also be rewarding experience for surgeon, getting to create technique for surgery as one goes along; can try different experiments to achieve a desired more pleasing aesthetic result. Very satisfying to create wonderful aesthetic nose without any plan of what to do in surgery! This is not always good technique for mediocre surgeon that still like "natural" look due to undertraining of experience, but when have become expert can easily hack away at nose from knowing that what one will do to nose will always look good!

Remember never to go to surgery with surgeon that need to plan for operation!

Images and that which we see

The eyes can be deceiving. The person beholding an image will often perceive that which he sees in his mind rather than that what is in front of him. For example, one may look and me and see a freaky garden gnome or serial killer. This is untrue. I do not kill. I just cut off noses. And I am not a garden gnome.

Another example of this is someone looking at my work. Because my results give beauty which nature cannot match, him what has idea in his head of nose being bad if not looking like that which occurs in nature will see “botch” whereas others with more discerning eye will see beauty and craftsmanship.

I do not show prospective patients pictures of my own work, as they will often be shocked at how aesthetic my results are and because of this will sometimes mistake my results as being bad. They often feel my work is drastic as there has been so much improvement, when in really my work is actually very conservative (I do leave some of the original tissue in the nose).

Make sure you are not one of these slovenly public whose eyes deceive them! If you get rhinoplasty result that looks “botched” in your vision; ask your plastic surgeon for his opinion and he will tell you your result is good (which he will know better than you! Do not listen to unsavoury characters which feed you with other opinions! Him which created result is always much better judge than him which did not!).

It could also be that your result is good, but you just need the rest of your face manipulated to fit your new nose. In this case, always ask opinion of plastic surgeon for what to sculpt your face into more aesthetic shape for a more aesthetic look.

"Natural" vs. Unnatural

Sometimes patients come to me and complain of result to be not what they like. Always they complain of not looking "natural"; I tell them, "nature ugly, why you come to me for perform rhinoplasty then?". Surgery can only improve unsightly nose, the more surgery performed on nose the more aesthetic the nose will look.

I have very troublesome patient come to me and tell me nose not look good. I very shocked and surprised; new nose is finely sculpted with tip so pointy could open envelope. Who could be dissatisfied with such a thing? Also complaining he was about irregularity of nose, I tell him "irregularity of nose wonderful thing! do you not want nose multi-faceted like diamond?". He not like asymmetry of nose, but his face is asymmetric so I made nose more asymmetric to fit with face. Is not to have matching face and nose splendid and aesthetic thing?


He get very threatening and agressive, when leave he slam door causing damage to door, even damage to building (he even slam door so hard he create cracks in walls of dirty old house I consult from that were already there!).

Later he complain to medical board, but I use persuasion to other plastic surgeon to not testify against me. Are we not all genius? Should one who has risen to godlike status of plastic surgeon be dropped to masses of great unwashed?

Eventually, medical board agree with me that "open roof deformity" not a deformity! Of course this is known to those with wisdom. Lots of money westerners pay for cars with open roofs, yet they not want open roof on nose? Ridiculous is such a thing.

Here in instruction on protection against patient:

1. Simply tell medical board you have done actions all complying with "standard practice". While some may say it is an unethical thing to lie to medical board, this is only said by those not imparted with higher wisdom of plastic surgeon.

2. Never admit you wrong. Because you not wrong! Even wrong you are, then you are right because you are plastic surgeon! Every nose will look better after operation, and this should be known.

3. Never, ever give refund to patient. Even if patient die. If you lose money, you lose power; and it is well known that women are attracted to money and power. How you expect prostitute to show any interest then?


Follow these steps, and then you will be able to create stupendous deformed nose they rest of life.

Eighth Wonder of World - nose of La Toya!

Today I will be looking at wondrous marvel of modern medicine... nose of La Toya Jackson. What a thing of wondrous beauty. Even master plastic surgeon like myself still marvel at work of master craftsman who manage to create finely sculpted aesthetic nose of beauty.



Look at lovely aesthetic taper of nose. Gaze in awe at the way nostrils retract so far you can almost see interior of nasal cavity of La Toya. It is a wonder to behold.
This is ideal nose, and what I aim for with every surgery.

Unfortunately, stupidity of medical regulations means one cannot perform that which will be most aesthetic result; but one such as I can always come close with removing as much material from nose as regulation will allow. See how beautiful nose of Ms Jackson is only septum? Other cartilage and bone not necessary in construction of beautiful nose. Would be far better if surgeon could remove all of nose except septum. Chop, chop, chop! But only allowed to do so much. Still always endeavour to remove as much unsightly bone and cartilage as possible.

Defending of wondrous fellow surgeon against LIES!

Here, I must take opportunity to defend highly well regarded surgeon Ellenbogen - some claim he evil, but look! Here: http://richardellenbogenruinedmynose.blogspot.com/2008_11_01_archive.html . Make lovely aesthetic nose for patient! Ungrateful is patient for spreading such impertinent lies. Now, when you see wondrous results of Ellenbogen and lies of malice spread by ungrateful patient, you know why all lies spread by patients of Dam are FALSE!
Even medical board agree Barrell Dam wondrous surgeon - though did have to lie to board in investigations, was only to protect wonderful godlike surgery of great Dam. If medical board stop me from operating on patient, who would give them aesthetic mangled nose? I know of not any!

Come to Barrell Dam and you get good result just like ones seen in vexing blog above!

Welcome to my lovely aesthetic blog!

Hello, my name is Barrell Dam. I am world renown Plastic Surgeon - warrant for my arrest in many countries! Some may say I not good surgeon because they not like lovely aesthetic surgery I do for them - they stupid! My rhinoplasty make lovely beautiful thin, sculpted crooked nose - very aesthetic! Not like ugly wide "natural" nose like patient want. My patients complain because their nostril uneven - who want even nostril like everybody else? Better to have one nostril small and beautiful for looking at and have one large nostril for breathe.

Also, I perform breast augmentation - make make splendid big fake titties on womens! I also like this procedure as I get to touch breast of nubile young girls! I not get to touch much titty in real life as I ugly creepy haggard old man; but as Plastic Surgeon get to feel up bosoms of many girls, so I very happy!

This blog is for purposes of making dispel unsavoury rumour about me being not good surgeon - all lies! They not know that I more better than god? We shall see. Glorious power of Dam triumph in end.